Knave Knews:
Newsletter for the Urban Knaves of Grain/DuPage County, IL

April/May 1998


Table of Contents


DON'T CRY FOR ME ST. LOUIS

You would think that generating a profit of $1 billion for your company would make most people pretty happy. Obviously not happy enough for the people that set the pay of top execs at Anheuser-Busch. August Busch III saw his combined salary and bonus cut 25% to $1.88 million. The bonuses for the other top four executives were cut in half, according to documents filed March 10, 1998 in preparation for next month's annual meeting. Now while you or I might find such a cut more than enough reason to drown our sorrows in a bucket full of Budweiser, August Busch III still has some reason to smile. He received 300,000 stock options, up 100,000 from the year before. In addition, he gained $7.2 million from earlier options that he exercised during 1997. In 1996, he gained $6.1 million by exercising options. Let's hope with all that money, the next time we drop in on Augie for a ballgame, he at least offers us a Redhook instead of a Bud Light.

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HOW TO MAKE AN IOWA BOILERMAKER

Anyone who has been married can tell you it's not always a bed of roses. But here's a guy who almost ended up with just that - on top of his casket! A decent, beer-loving fellow, Mr. Richard Hartman of Bettendorf, IA was rushed to the hospital one Tuesday night. "His family members just said he was sick and needed help," Bettendorf Police Chief Phil Redington said. "We really didn't think anything of it then." But the police received a tip that Hartman's illness may have been caused by some kind of poison in his beer. "We began an investigation and found out that on at least two occasions... Mrs. Karen Hartman had given him antifreeze in his beer," Redington said. Whoa, is that anyway to make a boilermaker? In what must be the Bettendorf understatement of the week award, Police Chief Redington said investigators think Karen Hartman's motive was related to marital problems. Gee, and I figured it was probably that darn Asian financial crisis thing again. Karen Hartman, 54, was charged by local police with attempted murder of her husband. Her husband remains hospitalized in serious condition.

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WHAT DID YOU LET ME DO THAT FOR?

Think about this one the next time you are in your favorite watering hole. A Mr. William Joy, a butcher in Northern Ireland, goes into the the Copper Room Bar in his hometown of Cookstown. He sits down, and falls off the bar stool, breaks his spine and becomes paralyzed from the waist down. A lawsuit is brought seeking one million pounds, but the Belfast High Court rules that the barstool was perfectly stable, and Mr. Joy's fall resulted from the 13 vodkas and 4 pints he had consumed before arriving at the bar that made it unsafe. Joy, 37, admitted he was drunk, but sued former landlord Michael Newell for allowing him to sit on the stool in his condition.

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"BODDIES" AND SOUL, THE ONLY WAY TO GO

Talk about what lies beyond the grave has fascinated man forever. But whatever awaits us, John McGrath of Lancaster, England is going to be ready. Although just a student, he has had his will drawn up and instructed his loved ones he wants to be "buried alongside crates of Boddingtons beer, due to its creamy full-bodied flavor which has brought me so much pleasure in life." "The prospect of having to go somewhere without a good supply of it does not bear thinking about. I got the idea when I was talking with my mates about where you go when it is all over. Nobody really knows. But one thing I do know is I want to make sure I have plenty of Boddingtons with me," dead-panned McGrath. A spokesman from Boddingtons said, "We are always amazed at the lengths people will go to in order to show their love for the drink." Being English, it is no surprise he chooses to bring an English ale with him to the grave, but for anyone in the States who would like to try this, may I suggest you request some Rogue 'Dead Guy Ale' as your crypt mate.

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IN HEAVEN THERE IS NO BEER. THAT'S WHY WE DRINK IT HERE!

MAN KILLED IN DRUNK DRIVING ACCIDENT GETS HIS OWN BEER

Joe Rizzuti of Deerfield, MA loved beer. He probably drank a few cold ones while he watched his favorite TV show "The Simpsons". Now, after Joe is gone, killed by his friend Paul Distasi in an drunk driving accident, his memory lives on in "Shabadoo" microbrew. This is not the normal way people react to such tragedy, but in Joe's case, it seems fitting. "Joe was a responsible drinker," says his mother Sandy Poirer. "He drank and was drunk the night of the accident. But he handed his keys over and he followed the rules. Unfortunately, the people he was with did not." Despite the role of alcohol in the young chef's death, those who loved Rizzuti say they firmly support the decision to put his mug and nickname on the 28-oz. bottles of microbrew, created by Berkshire Brewing Co. and sold in western Massachusetts liquor stores for $3/bottle. Ten percent of sales are donated to the Food Bank of Western Massachusetts. Louis Rocher, manager of Fitzwilly's restaurant and bar in Northampton where Rizzuti once worked, said the idea of a memorial ale struck him as questionable at first. "That's the touchy part, it does send a weird message. But Joe would have said that was nonsense, he loved beer." He loved it so much, that he would volunteer at the Berkshire Brewing Co. in exchange for samples of small-batch brews. Joe's mother said she has received only positive feedback about her decision to sanction the brew, and said the drink has already raised more than $700 to fight hunger. "The ironic thing is that Joe always wanted to be famous," Poirier said. "This way he will reach everyone."

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BEER WARS!

While it is not exactly Apocalypse Now, the beer business is at war fighting over the right to sell Joe-Six-Pack his nightly ration of carbonated malt nourishment. The front lines in this battle are the retail outlets where you buy your beer, and the beer distributors are the Company Commanders telling their troops what to sell. Here are two tales from that front. The first involves the two heavyweights in the business: Miller Brewing and Anheuser-Busch. The skirmish involves 54 distributors who sell beer made by both companies. In February, Miller sued three of those distributors in Arizona and Colorado, claiming the wholesalers had breached their obligation to Miller by signing amended agreements with Anheuser-Busch last August. In those agreements these distributors promised to "give priority" to selling Anheuser-Busch products. Miller spokeswoman Susan Henderson said that in their agreements with Miller the wholesalers already "promise to vigorously sell Miller." She said Miller's suit against the three is aimed at establishing the brewer's right to cancel agreements with the wholesalers. In the meantime, Miller has told the other 51 joint distributors that they have 30 days to propose a plan to terminate the offending portions" of their contracts with Anheuser-Busch, or "relinquish their rights to sell Miller products." Henderson said the distributors have 60 days to implement such a plan. The wholesalers could also elect to stop selling A-B products and that is what has Augie and company in the courtroom. "Specifically, we're seeking a preliminary injunction to stop Miller from trying to convince some beer wholesalers to break their contracts with us," said Stephen Lambright, A-B's group VP and general counsel. Both beer makers are trying to expand their market share, and getting a distributor to sell only their product is one step in that direction. This is only a small battle however. The 54 distributors in dispute here sell less than 3% of Miller's volume. Our second war story is even smaller but a little closer to home. It involves two distributors in southern Wisconsin. WOW Distributing of Waukesha, a Miller wholesaler, and Beechwood Distributors of New Berlin who sell Anheuser-Busch products. WOW is suing Beechwood over the right to sell Spaten Munich Beer in Waukesha, Azaukee and Washington counties. According to the lawsuit, filed in Waukesha County Circuit Court, Beechwood began distributing Spaten Munich after WOW's contract to sell the beer was terminated by Sieb Distributors Inc. Sieb, based in Ridgewood NY is the importer of Spaten for the eastern United States. The lawsuit said Sieb notified WOW in November that it was discontinuing its import and distributorship business and no longer would accept orders from WOW. However, WOW said Sieb has continued its business, and has instead given Beechwood the right to sell Spaten Munich-which WOW claims violates its 1992 contract with Sieb. A Sieb spokesman declined comment on the lawsuit, saying a response would be filed in court. Beechwood 's court response denied WOW's claims, calling them frivolous. As cannon fodder in these battles we can only watch as the combatants fight for their turf in the Beer Wars.

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THIS GUY HAS 'TOTAL' BEER CONTROL

New Knave, Dick Van Dyke, can be found most weekends wandering the beer aisles and walk-in cooler at the new Total Beverage store in the Iroquois Shopping Center on Ogden Ave. near Naper Blvd. This may be considered unusual behavior by some, except for the fact that he is the beer manager for the store. So if you're in the neighborhood some weekend or Friday night, stop in and say Hi!

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HELP WANTED

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WELCOME NEW MEMBERS

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VOTERS IN INDIA FORCE RETURN TO MILLER TIME

When the subject of beer comes up, how often does the country of India get mentioned in the same sentence? Well, here is one case. It seems that in the northern Indian state of Haryana, the government passed their own version of the Volstead Act (prohibition, to you younger readers) in 1996 in response to pressure from women's groups angry that husbands were wasting their earnings on drink. (Looks like women are women, no matter where you go.) This is mostly an agrarian state, but super-strong beers with names like 'Godfather' and 'Thunderbolt' were very popular with the farmers. In recent elections however, the Haryana Vikas Party, which had forged an alliance with the Bharatiya Janata Party, saw its tally plummet from seven seats to two. So a new liquor policy is expected to be finalized soon and by the time you read this, beer and spirits should once again be flowing - but only in hotels, motels and state-run guest houses. The prohibition policy resulted in a loss in excise revenue of about US $200million per year. (I bet those women's groups that pushed for the alcohol ban couldn't come up with that kind of scratch.) It also resulted in a massive smuggling problem, according to police in New Delhi, where so much liquor destined for Haryana was being seized that officials had run out of room to store it! So on your next trip to India, feel free to visit Haryana, 'cause the 'Godfather' will be flowing.

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BACK IN THE HIGH LIFE AGAIN

After a seven year hiatus Miller Brewing Co. is launching an estimated $5-10million ad campaign for its once flagship Miller High Life brand. Last winter, Miller started new campaigns for its principal brands, Miller Lite and Miller Genuine Draft featuring the "Miller Time" ad slogan. That slogan, originally created for High Life in the 1970's, helped make the brand one of Miller's top sellers. But High Life sales have plunged since then, with case sales of 72.5 million in 1997, compared with 317 million in 1980. Nevertheless, High Life's supermarket sales last year rose 14 percent over 1996, a trend Miller attributes to the revival of the "Miller Time" slogan as well as price discounts. The new campaign will feature 15 second spots that emphasize simplicity, hard work and common sense. The spots will begin appearing in April during Major League Baseball telecasts, prime-time TV and high- profile sporting events, like the NBA finals. "Miller High Life's a timeless brand and its recharged packaging, advertising and promotions will further strengthen its appeal to Miller High Life loyalists, while attracting a new generation of beer drinker," said Bruce Winterton, category brand director. I'm sure it will Bruce; the hard-working and simple you can count on - the ones with common sense will take a little more doing. But hey, two out of three ain't bad.

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The President's Corner

It's that Maibock time of the year and that can only mean one thing (well, maybe two if you include the opening of the beer gardens). It's time for the annual election of club officers. If you haven't contacted me or the newsletter editor by now to indicate your intention to run for office, then it's too late to be mentioned for candidacy in this newsletter, which is the last one to be published before elections which will take place during the May monthly meeting on the 28th. But don't despair! It's NOT too late to be nominated. Nominations will remain open until the vote is taken in May. So you still have time to let me know your intentions or just come to the May meeting and nominate yourself (none of that Robert's Rules of Order stuff for this auspicious group).

Looking forward to summer, we will be organizing a couple of social gatherings. First, there will be a club outing to the Kane County Cougars game on July 23rd. A limited number of tickets are available for $6 each. Contact me if you're interested in attending. Second, we are trying to put together a club picnic in August. Naturally, the hardest part about this is just deciding on a location. If you are aware of a convenient location that would permit homebrew and provides some form of shelter (you know this unpredictable Midwestern weather), let me know.

A note of thanks to Chris Campanelli for organizing FeBREWary's train crawl. The turnout was great and a good time was had by all. There has been a suggestion to alter the route for next year's crawl by starting at the eastern locations and then moving westward - stay tuned, film at 11. Also, thanks to Ed Bronson for his hospitality at Taylor and providing a sneak peek at his soon-to- be released Porter; it was well received.

Just a reminder, we will continue to judge our AHA club-only competition entries at the monthly meetings as the calendar and entry submission dates allow. I am very encouraged at the the level of participation in terms of both the entries submitted and judging interest. Many thanks to Steve McKenna for organizing these judging sessions. As always, if there's anything we can do to provide more value for your membership dollar, let me or one of the members of the board of directors know.

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WHAT'S NEXT? LOCUSTS?

In the last issue, I reported on an infection of the midwest barley crop by a fungus called scab. Well now comes word that a hop-killing fungus known as powdery mildew has invaded the Yakima Valley in Washington state. Roots from an estimated 6,000 acres of the crop will probably be set afire this spring or summer in effort to stem its advance. Washington's $100 million hop industry produces about three-quarters of the hops grown in the US. Oregon and Idaho produce the rest.

"We have never gone into a spring with this disease. We don't know what to expect. We have to plan for a worst-case scenario and try to protect our crop." said Ann George, administrator for the Washington Hop Council. Researchers have no idea how well the mildew survived the winter. But even if mildew survives on only 1 percent of the roots, it will only be a matter of time before you have 100 percent infected plants, due to the mildew's spores ability to blow around with great ease. In an attempt to help hop growers, Yakima and Benton counties' clean-air agencies announced they will allow farmers to burn hop plants without getting permits or paying fees. Farmers still must notify clean-air agencies about their fires and cannot burn during burn bans. Burning is one of the few tools available to hop farmers right now. Sulfur is the only approved mildew treatment, though emergency appications are in for three pesticides.

Meanwhile,some farmers will be changing from rill irrigation - where water runs down through the rows - to drip irrigation. With rill irrigation, farmers can't get to their crops often enough to keep up with mildew because the ground is wet for at least a week at a time. But new irrigation systems take time.

Hop farmers are also close to starting a campaign to eradicate wild hops which grow along roads and ditches in the valley. If those hops are not destroyed they can act as hosts to the mildew.

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BEER EXPERT BEMOANS "QUEER DRINKS"

Something is brewing in the beer industry and traditionalists are not happy. European brewers are battling the rise of sporty energy drinks and Asian brewers fret over the eroding purchasing power of their consumers, beer experts said last month.

"Beer drinking in Europe or even other parts of the world is falling," German based beer expert Ludwing Narziss told a press conference. "There are a lot of queer drinks," Narziss said, referring to a range of new "energy" drinks. "In my country, we have power drinks." Narziss said the new drinks were luring a health-conscious youth away from Germany's beer drinking tradition.

Narziss, a professor of Brewing Technology at the Technology University of Munich was in Manila to speak to the first Asia Brewing Conference. Brewers from 21 countries were meeting at the conference to discuss new technology and products to titillate the market. "When I was a child, there was only pure water, mineral water and the so-called lemonade. Today, there are enormous choices (of soft drinks)," Narziss said.

Nevertheless, Europeans remain the world's biggest tipplers. Germans consume 132 liters (230 pints) of beer per capita every year. And Bavarians alone quaff 210 liters (370 pints) each year. By contrast, the Japanese, one of Asia's biggest markets, gulp down only 25 liters (44 pints) each year. Asia, where many foreign brewers have flocked in recent years in the hope of putting more fizz in their profits, has turned into something of a disappointment after the region's currency crisis.

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IN THE ARENA

Congratulations to the following members on their club-only entries. Thanks for representing the club in these competitions.

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TRUE CRIME STORIES

There are two types of criminals. The smart ones and the dumb ones. The dumb criminal can't figure out how to make crime pay, and ends up in jail. The smart one figures it out, and then runs for re-election. These two are of the first sort. Joe Rosenfield, 20, moved from the Minneapolis- St. Paul area up to Superior WI to avoid the "criminal element". That's what he told the police anyhow when they came knocking on his door. The officers were responding to a burglar alarm around 4am at The Shack liquor store and found the front window had been broken. They saw footprints in the fresh snow and followed the trail to a trailer home across the street. Police knocked on the door, found Rosenfield who admitted to throwing a large piece of asphalt through the window and taking a case of Miller High Life beer. He also said he initially had gone out to buy some cigarettes and did not know why he committed the burglary . Rosenfield remains in Douglas County jail in lieu of $400 bail. The next story might leave you wondering who is the criminal here. I am not sure what crime Mr. Mark "Chopper" Read committed and maybe it's best that way. He was recently released from prison in Australia and had a book published. I don't know what the book was either, also most likely for the best. But for some reason, the Australian Broadcasting Co. decided that before he went on their live show with host Elle McFeast it would be a good idea to honor Mr. Read's request for "a half dozen cans of Melbourne Bitter beer." Mr. Read later said "Half a dozen cans turned into a bloody slab. Well, if you give me 24 cans of Melbourne Bitter beer, I will drink the bastards." Which explains his state of intoxication when he walked onto the set. Not only could he not answer the host's questions, he "leered down the top" of her dress, expressed interest in the show's female security guard and joked about stuffing a man into a pink cement-mixer. ABC said it had been "an error of judgment.

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VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR NATIONAL HOMEBREW DAYS
MAY 2ND AND 3RD

In an effort to bring attention to the homebrewing hobby and the Urban Knaves of Grain, Total Beverage in Naperville has volunteered to host a weekend of events in conjunction with National Homebrew Day. Total Beverage employee and Urban Knave member, Dick Van Dyke, will contact writers from the local press (including the Chicago Tribune) to seek publicity for this occasion as well as the club. There is a possibility that we may conduct a brewing session in front of the store. Most likely though, we will offer a tasting of some of the beers that were brewed for the Yeast Common Denominator experiment on one day, and then a homebrew/commercial style sampling the other day. In either case, we will need volunteers to staff the sampling table and represent the club. If we do the style sampling, we will also need some members to provide homebrew that can be tasted alongside a comparable commercial example. Plans are still in the making. Whatever is decided, we will most likely need 5-10 people to spend and hour or two at Total Beverage on May 2d or 3d or both. If you are able to spend some time on these days to promote the club and share your knowledge of beer and brewing, contact Darrell Proksa (630-964-9172)

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Last modified 4/24/98.